What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:51
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why did i forgive my father ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
If you believe in God, do you think God can save you from cancer?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do you think cheating is that bad?
I have no regrets .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was seconnd youngest,
And i lived it daily.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
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Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were not on the streets..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do men like low maintenance women?
But, we were locked up after school.
I don,t even have a pension.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Put me off passion for life!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was scared of men, in general
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So, i spoilt her more .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Comes on , in middle age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot live in the past .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She married twice! .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She found it foreign!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My family never makes their pension either.
Ive learnt so much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was very sick at this time too.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I waited trembling.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I write beautiful poetry .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
This is soul school!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im still living with it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My life is so biszare .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We all went to grammer schools
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So whats the point in blame.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Who then, do I blame.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I think the readers, may guess!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I never cut or harmed myself..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was 9 years of age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She loved him until the end.
All the time i was locked up.
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He knew the spot.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What did i know ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
When she asked me how she looked .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was in good health!